First Things First
The real reason behind "Recovery First"
If you are in the Recovery Community as a provider or as a person in recovery yourself, you have no doubt heard the term “Recovery First” many times. It's emblazoned on a lot of swag, in the mission statements of many addiction organizations, and is a core tenet of every 12 step organization. It's something I was trained on, a value of the organization that I carry into my own work with the people I coach. Recovery.. first and foremost.. it sounds great, doesn't it?
Here's the thing that creeps in, insidiously at first, into the Recovery dynamic-Everything that you want to do still. You have goals, dreams, you want to find joy again and smile and not have everything be so life and death serious. You want to find purpose, love, work, shelter, friends who don't get high in some back alley parking lot. You have goals.. you are going somewhere, or at least you sure as hell plan to. And then? You start to change the script as anxiety and pressure and demands of life come in. Here's the truth for everything you want to do though:
Recovery comes before work. Someone whose sobriety is an afterthought to the demands of life will probably be a disorganized ball of nerves rather then a quality worker. I've heard people tell me they left Detox, went to find work, got working and then one day they picked up again after a tough day of work.. unplanned.. it just happened.
Recovery comes before new or rebuilt relationships. You come out of that 90 day program or prison, and you're lonely, a little frisky, and seeking.. well you know. You heard the warnings about not getting into relationships but hey.. you're doing you now. Things go south, and you are not unstable. He leaves, She says “Get the f_k out of my apartment”..You now feel unlovable, screwed up and even more rejected and lonely. You are now vulnerable, emotionally charged, and likely to make more poor decisions.
Recovery comes before your kids. I know, I don't have kids, so you assume I have no idea what I am talking about here. Of course, your kids are your world. Nobody is saying they are not, but-Did they stop you from getting high/drunk the first go around? What are you going to tell them about your own use? Anything? What will you do when they confront you for not being available (if they are old enough to understand) or you are distracted from family night because you had cravings or woke up from a nap in a cold sweat from a drug dream? If your recovery is based on your kids loving you again and some perfect ideal of parenthood, what happens when that doesn't materialize?
Recovery comes before your church/Religion-Before I got right, I didn't feel much connection anymore in church. I figured I was too far gone and if God loved me, well maybe he didn't while I was in my mess. You know the drill-Sinning on Saturday, Saved on a Sunday. If you can't feel confident about your Recovery, it's hard to feel connected to anything but your constant worry and white-knuckling it to the next day. God? How can you think about any Higher Power when you are feeling scared, stressed out, and trying to show up for your faith community all at the same time? You Can't. My cousin was very religious and active in his church, a Born Again denomination. Church didn't save him from OD'ing in the end.
The fact of the matter is, anything we put before our own healing and recovery process actually puts us at risk of destabilizing life and actually NOT being able to achieve or maintain all these things we value as key parts of our life. Putting Recovery first creates a structure, a floor from which to build the life we want piece by piece until we have a house that shelters our whole life. Someone I know within the Recovery Community is a Mom, a Gardener, a Poet, and a volunteer. The volunteer part helps her maintain her Recovery. She could be looking for work, and there is family pressure on her to do so, but she's taking the time now, even after long term sobriety, to focus on her Recovery. That's a hard thing to do. Recovery sounds fantastic, but what about the reality of paying your rent? Bills don't magically wait until you have your life together. Recovery First may be the hard choice at times, but it's also often the best choice.