A Hot Take On Relapse
Should we tell people that Relapse is part of the process?
*Warning: I realize this may stir up some level of controversy. It's not my intention to shame people who relapse, but to ask some tough questions about whether we are talking about relapse in more proactive ways.
Recently I've read some posts on the web from various bloggers talking about Relapse, and going as far as to say that to say that relapse is anything but a part of the recovery process is shaming others. On the other hand, I have also seen people suggest that Relapse is a copout. I like to think of myself as avoiding 2 extremes, because as someone who has a LOT of Recoverees who have relapsed, I recognize that It's not at all uncommon for people in active recovery to relapse. At the same time, how we talk about relapse matters. I've overheard people trading “war stories” about how much they relapsed to the point that it puts recovery from relapse on a pedestal. So, here's my hot take on this: We shouldn't be saying relapse is OK. Relapse is preventable as it can be predictable, it also can lead back into active addiction. Relapse should be treated as a symptom of addiction, not just a part of the recovery process. Relapse isn't failure.. anyone can bounce back from picking up again if they recommit to their own recovery process..What I am talking about is using Relapse as a way to do an autopsy on your life. You didn't “just slip up”, you had a thought process, you responded to it, and you used again. The less important thing is that someone relapsed.. the most important thing is why they did.
While I didn't relapse, being able to look at why I got into my process addiction and what happened behind the scenes has actually kept me from slipping up again. This has been excruciating and complex work that at times has left me drained, but that has also allowed me to heal. For me, Relapse isn't an option, because if I do, I am liable to die in prison and not be there for my Dad as Parkinson's begins to take more and more of a toll. The fact that if I relapse in my process addiction, There's no coming back is scary enough to keep me on the straight and narrow. At the same time, I realize that process addictions are different then substance ones when it comes to criminal justice, resources, and public sympathy.
In the end, I've come to the conclusion that there are a few things the Recovery community and allies like myself need to continuously emphasize:
Recovery is possible for anyone, no matter how often they relapse. You CAN recover if you are still breathing.
Relapse is NOT an inevitable part of leaving Rehab or working a program. Yes, we know a lot of people relapse 90 days of abstinence, which is why “going cold turkey” on your own often doesn't work. This is also why people who do 60 day programs sometimes relapse more often then people who have done a 3 month program that is dealing with them during the critical abstinence period.
We need to be willing to educate people about the risks of California Sober. While I would always champion weed vs pills or opiates like Heroin or Fentanyl, I owe it to the people I coach to point out that Cannabis is linked to heart disease, epigenetic changes, cardiac hardening, schizophrenia in younger people, and a worsening of respiratory problems. Instead of shaming people in recovery who use Cannabis (I know colleagues who are abstinent from hard drugs and alcohol and feel functional because of their Cannabis use), It's better to give them the facts and support whatever choices they want, whether It's stopping or reducing use, or not.
In the war against Opioid addiction, 60% of Opiate users will relapse. This can frustrate treatment providers, coaches, clinicians, and doctors when the same people keep showing up needing help again and again. However, I am a firm optimist to say that 60% isn't 100%. There's a percentage of people who just don't relapse. The more we learn from the people who don't, and understand why they didn't, the more we can help the people who did relapse from staying on a downward cycle.
That’s a good takeaway.